Life, medicine

Trying Hard Or Hardly Trying?

My crippled brain is trying to decide if should keep at it or give up. I have come very close in the last few days to just giving in. I finally heard the part of me who screams every morning. Imagine cicadas screaming, Write!”

And so I shall as often as I can. First, coffee, then salmon, then make the bed, then read and write. This means posting here will likely be closer to midday Eastern Time.

As I get older, I may not have to stop, but I am getting slower! Couple that with having had half a dozen strokes and a heart issue that finally got fixed, and my internal speed limit is a dangerous-curve-worthy 15 mph. I used to be a speed racer. That was then. This is now.

I have not accepted Sarcoidosis as a reason for any part of my debilitation. My brain was knocked sideways because of the strokes and subsequent scarring that meant I needed some heavy doses of medication. The same is true of my HBP, a family inheritance. These are tangible. I can read X-Rays, blood pressure readings, bloodwork reports, and MRIs that point them out.

They are unable to prove this to me in any way with Sarcoidosis. It’s a figment of their imagination that I would even have it, based on their mistaken readings of MRIs showing detritis after my valve replacement. I have no symptoms otherwise and never did.

I don’t believe in ghosts. Same thing.